Rob Schneider bought a full-page ad in today's Variety (pg. 39) to reply to Times columnist Patrick Goldstein's Jan. 26 dig at the studios for making sequels like the upcoming revisit of Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo. Goldstein quipped that Schneider is a "third-rate comic," but he seems especially upset at having it pointed out by Goldstein that Bigalow was not nominated for any Oscars. Excerpts:

I went online and found you have won nothing. Absolutely nothing....Frankly, I am surprised the LA Times would hire someone like you with so few or, actually, no accolades to work on the front page. Surely there must be a larger talent pool for the LA Times to draw from. Perhaps, someone who has at least won a "Cable Ace Award."

Maybe, Mr. Goldstein, you didn't win a Pulitzer Prize because they haven't invented a category for "Best Third-Rate, Unfunny Pompous Reporter, Who's Never Been Acknowledged By His Peers."

Unintentionally funny, which is more than some might say of Deuce Bigalow. Schneider's IMBD page shows that he of course is much decorated: he was nominated for a Blockbuster Entertainment Award for Deuce Bigalow—and a Razzie for Worst Supporting Actor for Big Daddy.