Actually it came in Monday afternoon, while I was otherwise occupied. It's an exit email from Edward Headington, leaving as communications director for State Sen. Gil Cedillo to resume his PR practice in Burbank. There's nothing dishy or newsworthy, but its length and strangeness caused it to be forwarded around in local political circles. It follows in its entirely (with phone and email info redacted) if Movable Type's recent bugs are willing.
Edward Has Left the Building
Well, not exactly. But I’m leaving the office very shortly and will have to be my own Colonel Parker/Al Dvorin in that regard. And after two years spent on the driver’s license issue—almost a year and a half of which was with Senator Cedillo, it is time for me to move on, collect my thoughts and figure out who or what is going to be my ’68 Comeback Special. Why do you ask? Well, there are five general explanations to choose from.
First, there is the standard Mo Udall explanation: “The voters have spoken, the bastards.” This is generally reserved for ousted politicians and is too spicy for the palettes of most departing public servants.
Second, there is the family values explanation: “I want to spend more time with my family.” It is still a favorite for disgraced elected officials who have to cut their losses by resigning or deciding not to run for re-election.
Third, there is the Dr. Lowry explanation: “I leave this university as I entered it—fired with enthusiasm.” This candid approach is less favored but loved by reporters covering such storied departures.
Fourth, there is the Hollywood explanation: “I am leaving because of creative differences.” This heavily euphemized slant is usually code for “I am right but I am powerless. They are wrong but powerful—so I am gone.”
Finally, there is the emotionally-neutral explanation: “I am leaving to look for new challenges and try new things.” Although sugar-coated, it’s an amicable solution to behind-the-scenes bitterness.
None of these are an exact fit so I am forced to offer a more Harry Chapinian explanation: “I just gonna be like you Dan (Schnur)/You know I’m gonna be like you.” I have decided to lay down my “man behind the message” mantle and return to my op-ed cowboy ways and guerilla PR tendencies by going back to my communications firm Headington Media Group. After all, some days you’re a peacock, some days you’re a feather duster, and on other days, you’re a strategist on the peacock network.
I have not ruled out working for another elected official or doing a campaign but I am hoping to focus on my writing and cross off a few things on my To Do list. I fully understand that certain talk radio hosts will be disappointed that they won’t have “Cedillo Spokeshole Edward Headington” to kick around anymore but I trust I have given them enough fodder until I’m back.
Below is a Top 15 list of the things to be done over the summer:
15. See if Larry David needs any extras on Curb Your Enthusiasm.
14. Find way to stay the first hit on Google when I type in my name.
13. Become Communications Director for Tom Cruise (only if the auditing classes are affordable)
12. Call Paul De Podesta and see if he needs any help in the outfield. (I still have my Mike Schmidt glove somewhere.)
11. Complete martial arts training in the Dagaba system and compete in the next UFC.
10. Read the new Harry Potter book that comes out this week. (Does Harry and Cho Chang finally hook up?)
9. Write an updated version of Charlotte Perkins Gilman’s famous work and call it “The Political Wallpaper.”
8. Hold a series of Lincoln-Douglas Debates between myself and CRA virtuoso Mike Spence (We’ve already squared off on Scarborough County, you know.)
7. Teach an alliterative communications course entitled “Sticks and Stones may break your bones but Metaphors and Malapropisms will kill you.”
6. Put my 75 lbs English Bulldog in commercial to pay for DSL, DVR/Tivo, and Starbucks/T-Mobile Hotspot usage.
5. Become a reporter for media mogul Anthony York.
4. Binge on Madden NFL 06, Philip K. Dick books and text-messaging
3. Hang out a shingle as a Haiku specialist-on-demand (Remember Thirteen Bill Gil?)
2. Start an Erasure cover band (Was I the only one watching their videos on the new Logo network over the weekend?
1. Start my own blog called “The Big Daddy Blog” with quotes from Unruh and analysis by CALPEEK maverick Dick Rosengarten
Until a replacement is found, Senator Cedillo’s Chief of Staff, Dan Savage, will be handling all media inquiries and he can be reached at xxxxxx. Spanish language media can continue to work with Nadia Leal in Sacramento and Iris Miranda in the District Office.
My new contact information:
Headington Media Group
P.O. Box 10489, Burbank, CA 91510
Website – www.EdwardHeadington.com
E-mail – xxxxx
Office – xxxxx
Cell – xxxxx
Thank you for your continued interest, coverage and feedback. The last two years spent on the driver’s license bill issue have been incredible—especially the last year and a half with Senator Cedillo. It is not easy making the unpopular popular or getting people excited about an issue they’ve been following for over half a decade but I have tried to do so with gusto and a sense of humor.
In keeping with the DL Update tradition and my speechwriting training, I had to come up with an over-the-top peroration. And so I conclude not with the King of Rock ‘n’ Roll but rather a retooled nugget from the man they call the “Jewish Elvis,” Neil Diamond.
Where it began
I can’t begin to knowin’
But then I know it’s growin’ strong
Was in the spring
And spring became the summer
Who’d have believed I’d come along
Good times never seemed so good
I’ve been inclined
To believe it never would
Warm, touchin’ warm