Dean Murphy on his, and his sons', coping with loss

Those of you who remember Dean E. Murphy from his days reporting around town for the Los Angeles Times might wish to take note of the piece he has in the Modern Love column in Sunday's New York Times. His wife Dawn died of cancer last April at age 51, just before their 25th wedding anniversary. Now, with a little distance, he describes in Watching Them Watching Me how he and his three sons are doing together. Excerpt:

You see, as hard as it has been for my three sons to lose their mother — she died rather suddenly two months shy of our 25th — I learned that anniversary night that it has also been hard for them to watch me lose the love of my life.

As alone as I feel, I am not actually alone. I have three sons who can pinpoint with laserlike precision the gaping hole in my heart. It is an odd feeling as a father to be so transparent, so naked, in front of the children you still provide for. But the death of a spouse rewrites the rules of a family in ways I never could have imagined. Some decisions in life, it turns out, are made for you, leaving you an unwitting accomplice and spectator at once.

Murphy is an editor at the NYT.