Freelancer impales groin on fence, becomes 'Dirk Diggler of Cedars-Sinai'

impaled_by_fence.jpgI have to give it to Steven Mirkin, the Los Angeles music journalist. He makes lemonade of impaling his testicles on an iron fence while house-sitting for a friend — while locked out of the house, with a dog who tried to bite the paramedics. From his amusing piece at Salon:

It was a busy day at the emergency room, but not so busy that news of my injuries didn’t make the rounds....Everybody wanted to get a look at my extraordinary genitalia. Stabbings and shootings are everyday occurrences, but a good impaling — especially one in the crotch — hadn’t been in style since the 12th century. I didn’t mind. Sadly, this was the most attention my penis had experienced in quite some time....

When I woke up, a few hours and 15 stitches later, I discovered that I am the luckiest person ever to impale himself on a fence. It was just a flesh wound, albeit in a part of the body you never want to hear the words “flesh” and “wound” in such proximity. None of my plumbing was affected; all I had to worry about was healing.

Four days later, I was released. Back in the house, welcomed by the dog, I finally realized how close I had come to doing something really stupid, and wept. I realized something had to change. I could not go on living my life like a tourist. Sometimes you need a good kick in the balls (or in my case, a spike) to gain a moment of clarity.

Or maybe not. It’s now three months later. I have an apartment (a share, but a roof over my head), but I do not have a car or a job. I’m still scraping by as a freelancer. I’m not sure I’ve learned anything, other than that theft deterrent fences are a very good investment.

By the way, he says he can laugh about $97,000 in medical bills (and counting) because he had enrolled in a pilot Obamacare program. "After listening to all the hand-wringing in Tampa, I’m having trouble figuring out what part of my freedom I’ve given up in order to keep my genitals intact," he writes, adding: "I saw the surgeon the other day and was given a clean bill of health, which means I can go back to not having sex again."

Mirkin on Twitter


More by Kevin Roderick:
Lokomotiv Yaroslavl returns to the ice
Freelancer impales groin on fence, becomes 'Dirk Diggler of Cedars-Sinai'
White shark hooked and released from South Bay pier
LA Times adds another pop music writer
Is there a funny smell in the Silver Lake water?
Recent Good read stories on LA Observed:
Freelancer impales groin on fence, becomes 'Dirk Diggler of Cedars-Sinai'
Holiday weekend LA reads
On Catalina buffalo, Ernest Borgnine and her dad the actor
Where and how the Coliseum scandal began
LA's war against jitneys

New at LA Observed
Follow us on Twitter

On the Media Page
Go to Media
On the Politics Page
Go to Politics

LA Biz Observed
Arts and culture

Sign up for daily email from LA Observed

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner


Advertisement
LA Observed on Twitter and Facebook