First of all, let me apologize to the Dodgers and their fans. The team rarely wins when I’m in the stands, but sometimes I’m just selfish, okay? There, I’ve said it. I knew that going to the stadium today would probably kill the Blue Crew’s six-game winning streak (and 17 out of 18), but I just didn’t care. Not enough to stay home anyway.

I hadn’t seen them much this season, mainly because I live in Oak Park and I hate driving all the way across the Valley at rush hour to catch a seven o’clock start. Also because an evening at the ballpark has gotten pretty expensive—very expensive if you take your family, which I like to do, and if your kids feel it’s their God-given right to sit in the field boxes.

Plus, up until recently, the team was pretty uninspiring. I don’t mind seeing the Dodgers lose; they always do when I’m there, so I’ve gotten used to it. But I at least want to see some good baseball.

So today, with the team red hot and playing a day-game, and my work schedule curiously wide open, I invited my son to join me for a spontaneous trip to Chavez Ravine. Hate me if you must, but the Dodgers were up in the standings by three-and-a-half games; I figured one defeat wasn’t going to ruin their season.

Needless to say, their streak is now history, and their play was pretty awful too. But should you ever find yourself in a similar situation, be advised that it is possible to have a perfectly fine time, as I did.

Here’s how:

1. Bring someone you hardly ever get a chance to talk to, either because he’s 14 and thinks you’ve been an adult all your life, or because he’d usually rather play video games than have a conversation. After a while you begin to feel almost like family.

2. Park outside the stadium. The walk is not much longer than it is from the parking lot, and the $10 fee you save will buy you most of a bag of peanuts. (NOTE: Don’t park outside the Sunset Blvd. entrance, which closes during the game at least some of the time.)

3. Show up a little late. If the Dodgers are already losing 4-0 when you get there in the first inning, you’ve pretty much avoided all the disappointment you’d be otherwise likely to face.

4. Buy your tickets from scalpers. Yep, that’s right. They’re mostly honorable and friendly; you’ll have a much wider seat selection than you would have any other way; and if you don’t show up before the first pitch (see Rule 3), you’ll pay less than face value for any game that’s not a sellout.

5. Sit wherever you like. Loge tickets allow you access to any seat in the stadium (except those in the luxury boxes), and Dodger ushers, bless them, don’t concern themselves with such matters. If you’re in someone’s seats, the late-comers will either ask you politely to move or they’ll find another place to sit.

6. Buy your guest whatever he wants to eat. The home team’s getting slaughtered; this isn’t a time to quibble over health or finances.

7. Think of fun ways to pass the time, like guessing whether Julio Lugo will make solid contact at the plate before booting his next groundball (not today, twice), or whether the Dodgers will have more errors than extra-base hits (tie).

8. Chat freely with those around you. This is an excellent opportunity to delve into the mindset of alcoholics and the unemployed.

9. When there’s little worth watching on the field, check out the various scoreboards. There’s more visual information on display at Dodger Stadium than at Times Square on New Year’s Eve.

10. Leave early. Yes, it’s tacky, but there is that traffic problem. The guideline here is, when Dodger position players start getting yanked from the game, it’s probably a good time for you to go too.