Stop me if you've read this one:
While rooting around in the spam mailbox looking for authentic emails that somehow got trapped in the junk filter, I found the email that follows. Now, I've seen countless of these, but they tend to come from beleagured African nationals looking to reclaim money filched from a dictator's illegal stash. But this is the first one I've seen featuring ersatz American servicemen.
Even if this is commonplace and I've just missed the latest ploy to play on American guilt and sympathy for our Armed Forces -- whatever your stance on the war -- I'm posting it.
Call it outrage at the audacity of hype.
Of course, maybe this explains where some of our trillion dollars were "lost" in the desert by Brown & Root services, Halliburton, Paul Bremer, etc. Check out the links if you dare.
Forget WMDs. Time to go digging for DMD's: Dollars of Mass Destruction. If we find them, and bring them home, we'll not only be able to fix our national infrastructure and stop the dollar's plunge, but we'll be able to afford both a gallon of gasoline AND a grande non-fat Vanilla latte. Right now, I have to choose between them since the price is the same.
Now, if you'll excuse me. I have to turn over the mulch in my old SUV. (Really keeps the heat in, and the worms don't get into the house.) Makes great fertilizer for the fruit trees.
My name is Sgt. Ted Murry; I am an American soldier with Swiss background, serving in the military with the army's 3rd infantry division. With a very desperate need for assistance, I have summed up courage to contact you. I am seeking your kind assistance to move the sum of (US$7.5) Seven Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars to you, as far as I can be assured that my share will be safe in your care until I complete my service here, this is no stolen money, and there is no danger involved.
Source Of Funds:
I and Late Staff Sergeant Oscar Medina on the 7th of June 2003, using our position secured the sum of US$7.5 Million for ourselves(This was quite an illegal thing to do, but I tell you what? No compensation can make up for the risk we have taken with our lives in this hellhole. Of which a roadside bomb killed my brother in-law last week), which was from the over US$200Million recovered at a remote Baghdad neighborhood (please view http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/2988455.stm) a year later Staff Sgt Oscar Medina died following an ambush by militia insurgents in Iraq...(also view http://the.honoluluadvertiser.com/article/2004/May/13/ln/ln01a.html).
I have now found a much-secured way of getting the package out of Iraq to your country for you to pick up, and I will discuss this with you when I am sure that you are willing to assist me. I want you to tell me how much you will take from this money for the assistance you will give to me. One passionate appeal I will make to you is not to discuss this matter with anybody, should you have reasons to reject this offer, please and please destroy this message as any leakage of this information will be too bad for us soldier's here in Iraq.
I do not know how long we will remain here, and I have been shot, wounded and survived two suicide bomb attacks by the special grace of God, this and other reasons I will mention later has prompted me to reach out for help, I honestly want this matter to be resolved immediately, please contact me as soon as possible my only way of communication email... (poster's note: email redacted for your own good.)
Sgt. Ted Murry