Hot fun in the summertime

Here's a press release that came over the email transom today. I'm sharing it as a public service for anyone still scrambling to make their summer vacation plans.

New York Plastic Surgeon to Save Hampton's Real Estate Market

Park Avenue Plastic Surgeon Stephen Greenberg is announcing the Hampton's Plastic House in which for a half a million dollars, a lucky consumer can get a summer mansion in Hampton's with a season full of lipo, new boobs and hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of treatments including, a full time nurse and chauffeur to take you back and fourth to the hospital for surgery. He will also throw invites to celeb parties and a new summer wardrobe for the changing.

I have a few questions:
1. Is this offer for women only? (The boobs)
2. Can you take the kids?
3. Is this what Mr. McGuire (in "The Graduate") imagined when he said told Benjamin (Dustin Hoffman): "I just want to say one word to you. Are you listening? Plastics."
4. Do you have anything closer to home? Say, Malibu? Carbon Beach? Oxnard Shores? Maybe something power plant-adjacent in El Segundo?
5. Can you get me in to hang with La Lohan at Hyde?

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