Thanks for posting the commentary; I listened and found her story moving. It also seemed sad that such an obviously intelligent and sensitive woman had, as a result of her accident (or so she said), decided not to have children.

Some years ago I was driving through downtown late one evening. The street was dimly lit; I was not going fast; I had not been drinking; perhaps my windshield could have been cleaner. The light was green as I drove into an intersection. Suddenly I saw him: a man pushing a shopping cart into the crosswalk on the opposite side of the intersection, against the light. I swerved and braked, but still struck...something. I could see the man was flung to the ground. I will never forget that moment of panic. I stopped and got out, still not sure what, exactly, had happened. Had I hit him, or just the cart? Luckily, it was only the cart, and he was unhurt, although a bit dazed. Clearly this man had (unlike me) been drinking. After seeing him and his cart (which was not badly damaged) back to the curb, I left without reporting it. Should I have? I have a doubt about this even today. But I was so happy he was not hurt (but was he?, or did he just appear unhurt? -- part of why I have doubts about my behavior), and so anxious to get the hell out of there, so anxious to get home, that I drove away after a few minutes. I left my car at home for some months after that, not out of fear of the police, but out of fear I might not be so lucky next time. And of course, I will never forget the incident; recalling it helps me to remember what can happen, and to drive carefully.

I know this is nothing compared to what Maryann Gray must have gone through, and what the people involved in the Santa Monica tragedy must be going through today. But even this experience was 'something' for me.

Help me out with this, but isn't Gray's "forgiveness" for the Santa Monica driver flawed in at least two respects?

A- She offers "forgiveness" for the greatest theft a third party can suffer. But forgiveness is not hers to offer! Americans, often Christians, have weird ideas about how forgiveness works.

B- Given the indisputably moving testimony of the previous two minutes, isn't her forgiveness arrogantly self-serving? I'm sincerely sorry she's suffered. The (absent) psychotherapeutic support she mentions may well be a worthwhile reponse to her pain. But righteousness is not earned by the suffering of greater mangnitude.

And for incidents with the proportions of Santa Monica, isn't it certain the victims and their loved ones suffer more than drivers?

EH, thanks for telling your story. I've come almost that close to hitting someone, and it was upsetting.

MHC, I thought the weakest part of the commentary was when she said the driver must be suffering more than the victims. I see the point she was trying to make, but I couldn't agree with her there.

Interesting commentary, but supremely self-serving. In addition, the situations are not comparable. The unfortunate woman who spoke on NPR was in no way to blame for her incident in which she was involved. The child was at fault, and paid with his life. A tragedy, and I can see where her pain is derived.

Mr. Weller, however, floored it for three blocks through a thoroughfare full of structures and people, making no attempt to stop. He is guilty of several crimes, reckless driving at the very least. Also speeding, and, if there is any justice in the world, several counts of manslaughter.

Further, Ms. Gray clearly has made a choice to beat herself up over her accident. She was not at fault, legally or morally, in the death of the child, and yet, she has chosen not to have children, to be haunted by him, and to figuratively stay inside and grieve every single day. She says she feels sorriest for the Mr. Weller, out of all of the victims of the tragedy, including the dead infants and toddlers who never really got to live. This says more, I'm afraid, for the depth of her self-absorption and self-pity than any actual insight or humanity her experience might have given her.

An interesting report, but all in all, very difficult to stomach.

I just listened to the commentary again.

"...arrogantly self-serving?"

"...supremely self-serving."

"...chosen..., to be haunted by him, ..."

"...very difficult to stomach."

I find many things that have been said here way too harsh, almost unfeeling.

I won't pretend to know how I would react, and so will not condemn her reaction (i.e. what she may or may not have 'chosen' to do). And given her experience, I will, without recrimination, and without questioning her language or motivation ("self serving"), allow her to express her empathy with, even sympathy for, the driver, especially since her own remorse, as well as her heartfelt sympathy for everyone involved in the Santa Monica tragedy, were so clearly expressed.