Andy Borowitz imagines FAQs from Comcast and Time Warner Cable

Sample "Dear subscriber" Q&As:

Q: How will the merger affect the price of my cable service?

A: There is no clear answer to that. But we will be introducing financing options, roughly similar to those that enabled you to attend college.

Q: Will there be any adverse impact on customer service?

A: A technician will be at your home between the hours of eight and never.

More at the New Yorker.