Los Angeles book fans, counting down the days until the start of the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books next Saturday, received an early treat at the Shelf Life: Small Press bazaar at USC's Roski School of Fine Arts on Saturday, April 18th.

Wacko Emporium for Pop Culture
Originally uploaded by ecru64

Wacko/Soap Plant proprietor, Billy Shire, manned his table alone. I told him how much I like the updated ads for his store now running on the Time Warner Cable system. "I don't know if I can afford any more," he answered.

Re/Search table
Originally uploaded by ecru64

"How much," I asked the kohl eyed hipster table attendant.
"50," she answered.
"Fifty cents?," said I.
"Fifty dollars!," she shot back.

Ouch. I should have saved all my old copies from 1979 to now sell on Ebay.

Journal of Aesthetics and Protest
Originally uploaded by ecru64

James Hoff of Primary Information press
Originally uploaded by ecru64

I haven't had to find any old articles on the L.A. Times site for at least a few months, so imagine my surprise when I discovered the advertisement above, for the gun above, plastered into an op-ed I published six years ago in which I argued for a handgun ban. Just after the opening quote from a Yeats poem--"What made us dream that he could comb grey hair?" And right above the first paragraph: "Three years ago, a San Pedro woman...decided to buy a gun....She then shot and killed her daughter and her daughter's fiancé, my brother David."

In triple-size font. Then, ten more giant "Ads by Google" plastered inside the article text--for body armor, firearms training, bulletproof vests, gun holsters, gun cabinets. With an ad for an "Am I a Hot Mom?" quiz--in a piece, remember, that recounted how a mother murdered her daughter.

To the Los Angeles Times: You are using my anti-gun pieces, in which I argued for a gun ban as the only way to reduce the horrific homicide rate in the U.S., to sell guns. Do you care? Because I think it is unconscionable.

I checked a 2005 op-ed I had written about the barriers to public access in Malibu: Triple-size ads for gates. My recent op-ed that argued against the Victims Bill of Rights Act in the November election? "Free sex offender report."

Google (aka "do no harm" Google) must of course just generate ads based on keywords in the article titles. But it doesn't take a genius to predict the results. Articles on botched plastic surgeries: That should bring up ads for breast enhancements. Article on all the Americans who can't get health insurance?: Get your health insurance here. Your child killed in a bike accident?: Find the news coverage in the L.A. Times, and you can locate a great bike repair shop.

What is the New York Times ad policy?--just out of curiosity. I checked my op-eds in the archives. There's one little ad in the top right corner--for an upcoming movie.

I have stood by the L.A. Times passionately during the Zell regime, while a man who cares little for either journalism or Los Angeles, and who has shown nothing but contempt for the essential public role of newspapers, has torn the paper I love in the city I love, and the paper's journalistic standards, limb from limb.

I will continue to rely on and subscribe to the Times as long as so many superb writers and editors continue to write and publish it. But when I sell a piece to a newspaper, I sell them the right to do with it as they wish. And I did not expect even Zell's Times to use my work and ideas to sell its soul and to break my heart.

The Ebony Fashion Fair traveling fashion show sashayed into town at the Westin Bonaventure Hotel on April 12th. Hundreds in their Easter Sunday best filled the venue's main ballroom to enjoy the annual fundraiser luncheon for the local nonprofit devoted to at risk youth and their families, The Lullaby Guild. NBC4 Reporter, Beverly White, handled Mistress of Ceremonies duties as the largely African American crowd cheered on the entertaining fashion show of the latest outfits from the runways of Paris, New York, London and Milan.

An important event on the US Black community calendar for over 50 years, the fashion show travels all over the country presenting a runway show produced by the fashion editors of Ebony magazine and raising funds for local charities. A rite of passage for most African Americans, the show is a durable, two-hour entertainment extravaganza. The 51st iteration, called "The Runway Report 2008-2009. What's Hip. What's Hot. What's Now!," did not disappoint. Gorgeous models in high priced outfits walked the runway with a bounce and verve that's now gone missing from designer spring and fall collections. Fashion Fair models dipped and swayed in choreographed dance steps, flipped, tossed and caught jackets with military precision and pantomimed comedic vignettes that told a story as well as communicated the design details of the clothes.

The crowd roared its approval as models in outfits by Luca Luca and Emmanuel Ungaro staged a mock girl fight over the attentions of one suitor. We knew the argument had taken a serious turn when an especially expressive model by the name of Deonna Pinkerton pulled off her big gold earrings to have it out with her opponent, who responded by brandishing her stiletto pump. When fashions echoed silhouettes from the 80s, the show's producers slyly incorporated hip hop dance moves not seen since the days of Kid N' Play's dance off in "Houseparty."

Only Ebony Fashion Fair could get away with sending out pimp walking models in tailored suit jackets with shorts, fishnet stockings and trilby hats. One model extended the pimp dandy motif by acting out her own "Scarface" striptease, handing off her briefcase, walking stick, trench coat, jacket and hat to stunned male underlings as she revealed a tight gray unitard to thunderous applause.

The afternoon wasn't devoted solely to frivolous pursuits. The Lullaby Guild acknowledged its beginnings as the interracial auxiliary group formed in 1949 to provide adoptive homes in Black families to African American children in the California state foster care system. Since then, the Lullaby Guild has expanded its mandate to offer scholarships and personal development programs to the Los Angeles community. Since 2005, the Guild has offered the Larry McCormick Scholarship awarded to a deserving college student pursuing a degree in journalism. Established to honor Larry McCormick, one of the first African Americans in Los Angeles to anchor a news broadcast when he joined KCOP-TV in 1969. He became a fixture at KTLA and co-anchored the station's KTLA News at the Ten Weekend Edition. McCormick MC'd the Lullaby Guild's annual Ebony Fashion Fair event for over 40 years until his death in 2004. Jennifer Amaechi, a first generation college student at Loyola Marymount University, received this year's scholarship award. A native of Nigeria, Ms. Amaechi is a sophomore communications major.

Fashion shows generate a contagious sense of community that it's a shame they are no longer a way life in Los Angeles. Remember when Bullocks Wilshire used to present daily fashion shows in its basement tea room? A friend's mom was a model and we thought she was the most glamorous creature alive in her 80s era wedge cut.

On Sunday, luncheon attendees modeled their own outfits before and after the event, swanning about the Westin Bonaventure hallways and posing for photographs. I indulged in taking a few snaps, myself.

You haven't lived til you've had the opportunity to enjoy a super fly fashion show luncheon with hundreds of Black ladies decked out in St John suits and Easter hats (St John should really reconsider its advertising strategy and acknowledge such a stylish but undeserved demographic).

The West Coast leg of the Ebony Fashion Fair's tour continues, with stops in Oxnard on 4/14, Fresno on 4/16, Sacramento on 4/17, San Francisco on 4/18 and Stockton on 4/19.

Once upon a time, many many many years ago when everyone in Los Angeles read the Los Angeles Times every day, they always turned to a column written by newspaperman Jack Smith. Jack Smith wrote about the many things he loved about Southern California, especially his Mount Washington neighborhood. The neighborhood reciprocated his feelings and named a hiking trail after him.

On Sunday, April 19th, The Mount Washington Association hosts its annual group walk through Jack Smith Trail . Walkers will be departing in two groups at 9:00 am and 9:30 am from the Southwest Museum tunnel entrance at 234 Museum Drive. Participants are encouraged to take the Gold Line to the Soutwest Museum stop.

Seeing LA Mag's new poll to nominate Mr. Los Angeles is a lot like scanning the table of contents of the New Yorker. Where the hell are the women? The list isn't awful, just awfully limited. Dorothy Buffum Chandler, the Mrs. Los Angeles of her (white, over-privileged) day, is probably so annoyed, she's off doing shots with May Knight Rindge.

It's heartening to see that very discussion taking place -- politely thus far, but you know just how incendiary things can get on the anonymous internets -- in the comments section of the LA Mag site.

So who are they, the missing women?

Photo: Sculpture of Queen Califia

I was sitting in the corner office of my underground bunker the other day, twirling my mustache, wondering how I might best dash the nascent dreams of innocents, and it came to me in a flash: get them excited about journalism!

Now that print media is gasping its last, why should I trudge the path towards cultural irrelevance with a bunch of other bitter, middle-aged professionals, when I can bring the children with me?! I could so easily turn unsuspecting young minds on to the thrills of reporting, interviewing, fact-checking, layout design, op-ed writing, and other ossifying, outdated, marketless skills.... by starting up a newspaper!

So last week I re-launched The Paw Print, a student newspaper at my daughter's elementary school. I actually ran the paper a few years ago, but then gave it up for the high-yield, fast-paced world of memoir writing. But at the behest of some other, misguided, newspaper-loving parents, I've resuscitated the rag, so that I may have the pleasure of building up the hopes of children, then watch with sadistic pleasure as they grow up to realize there's no future in it.

And so, my young charges came to our first meeting, completely unaware that they were boarding a sinking ship. Even my announcement that the paper would mostly be an online endeavor with a minimal print run didn't tip them off. The fact that they would be asked to write, rewrite, edit and file, with pretzels as their only compensation didn't discourage them either. The announcement that I, as editor-in-chief, would be moving on to greener pastures once my daughter graduates from the school in June, barely crimped their joie de journalisme.

In fact, my staffers were completely psyched to pitch ideas, write pieces, do roundups, photograph, interview, cartoon, expound, explore and extemporize. After the meeting even more kids showed up wanting jobs, and so as Supreme Editor-in-Chief I have instituted a policy of unlimited hiring. All ideas are good ones at The Paw Print. An examination of home cooking vs. cafeteria food? Great! An exposé on parents who cherry-pick the lost and found for free stuff? It's in! A survey on which American Idol is most popular among third-graders? Why not?

Of course, at four pages per issue, it'll land on doorsteps with a heavier thud than the LA Times. So, that's gonna feel like progress. Plus, this should nicely fill the hole left by LA City Beat. Keeping hope alive, Folks. You can email me here for job applications and I can guarantee you a rate of five pretzels per word.