Botox for the Gray Lady

Bruce Feirstein, writing in the New York Observer, imagines making over the front page of the New York Times.

EDITOR’S NOTE: After a long and painstaking review of the editorial process here at The New York Times, along with a long and sobering look at the rise of adult-onset attention-deficit disorder, along with a clear and pragmatic need to increase our appeal among upscale readers, The Times is pleased to announce a slight shift in our editorial policy.

As of Sunday, June 13, the editors and writers of the Sunday Styles section will take over responsibility for the front page, and all so-called "news reporting."

We believe this will make for a more lively newspaper, reflecting a change in our cultural metabolism.

Amusing story ideas ensue.