Republicans adopt "Rosemary's Baby Exception"

According to Republican insiders, party elders have reportedly capitulated to nationwide demands for moderation in the party's controversial anti-abortion platform.

After much heated debate, the "no abortion" plank has just been amended, with the party now adding a so-called "Rosemary's Baby Exception."

For those who are not familiar with the reference, "Rosemary's Baby" was a popular movie starring Mia Farrow and John Cassavetes as a married a couple who move next door to well-meaning neighbors played by Ruth Gordon and Sidney Blackmer. But actually the neighbors are part of a coven of witches who help the young newlywed conceive.

The pregnancy is troublesome and by the end of the movie, Miss Farrow has given birth to the Devil's spawn. The tagline for the hit film was "Pray for Rosemary's baby."

While the "Rosemary's Baby Exception" may have been a no-brainer for the party platform, Representative Todd Akin and Vice Presidential candidate Paul Ryan did not support it. "Some women might say that the Devil raped them just so they could have an abortion," Akin said. Presumptive VP nominee Ryan concurred. "Of course there would be no corroborating witness," he said. "Think of all the women who would work the system simply by saying that the Devil knocked them up."

Yet party elders were able to override their younger colleagues and amend the platform. "It's one thing for a rape victim to give birth to Ethel Waters," said Karl Rove, revealing his little-known fondness for the blues. "But we really have to draw the line at the Devil."


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