Only in LA: No parking none of the time

So, Assemblyman Mike Gatto has introduced a bill to prohibit cities from ticketing cars at broken parking meters, as heartless LA does. The Gatto bill is a good start but next we need to eliminate another nuisance: Street signs with contradictory messages.

Here are some I've collected over the years...

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And then there are the merely indecipherable groupings of signs...

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A parking lot's novel approach

IMG_0006.jpgIn San Luis Obispo, I found a sign that seemed to appeal to a driver's sense of justice.


How'd you like to park this one?

bonsai-car-sh.jpgPhil Proctor spotted this vehicle on the Westside — a true "green" car.

Who cares about spotting celebrities?

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Looks like some tourists deserted their van to take a gander at the exotic lingerie.


Speeders

Outside L.A.'s Cedars-Sinai Hospital, Alan Rosenberg bumped into an older gent who correctly guessed that Rosenberg was a New Your native. The gent said he was also a New Yorker and walked fast, just like Rosenberg does. The oldster then demonstrated his speed, Rosenberg told the New York Times, by taking off down the street "like an Olympic sprinter"_as he pushed his walker.


It's a wonder that any passengers dare ride

Patrick Mauer of L.A. noticed a van with lettering that said: "This vehicle stops on all railroad tracks."


Unclear on the concept

magic-gloves-sh.jpgJeanne Barney of Hollywood chanced upon an ad for some "gloves" that don't seem to be worn on the hands.

My toughest case

How's this for a twist? Crime novelist Michael Connelly ("The Black Box") contacted ME to solve a mystery. It seems that one day, while he was eating in Du-pars in Studio City, minding his own business, the author realized that the top of his menu said the selections were from the "grilled."

Referring to his main character, the suspicious Connelly asked: "Does this mean the cooks are cooked or are they interrogated by Harry Bosch before he eats his pancakes?"
Anyway, I'm on the case. With my usual rates, $10 a day, how can I turn it down?

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Just another reason to be a proud Angeleno

headless_statue.jpgThe 2013 Guinness World Records Book says that the record for "greatest number of self-administered kicks to the head in one minute" (115) was set at Staples Center.

And it wasn't set by an L.A. Kings exec frustrated during the long labor impasse. No, the self-kicker was contortionist Joshua William Reed.

Coincidentally, sculptor Terry Allen's monument to hard-headedness can be seen on Figueroa, just a few blocks north of Staples. Reminds me of some of the folks involved in the hockey mess.


The family that drinks together (a double shot)...

A placard in a Long Beach liquor store window calls attention to "Bud Family 12 Packs."
And Nick Stein of West LA. saw an ad for a restaurant that seemed to give kiddies a discount on the bubbly.

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And finally:

If you're wondering where Santa's helpers go after Christmas, my old colleague Rich Roberts found the answer.

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Steve Harvey may be reached at steveharvey9@gmail.com. His Twitter handle is @sharvey9.


More by Steve Harvey:
Only in LA: The signs are out there
Only in LA: It's that season
Only in LA: Up the down city
Only in LA: Happy tax season
Only in LA: Valentine's daze
Previous Native Intelligence story: This film should walk the plank

Next Native Intelligence story: LA Sketchbook: Deficit hole

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