Here it is, your official Harvey Healthcare Guide — a plan to keep you from feeling like you're just a number.
Paging Dr. Ronald McDonald! Yes, you deserve a break today
But not this kind of break
Get a yearly physical
Make sure your insurance is in order (those of you in Colorado or Washington might have to pay a bit more)
Find a hospital where the staff is responsive
With an eye toward detail
Don't be shy asking about the origin of food you're served
Especially if you're on a liquid diet
Best to avoid the laundry chute
Rather than continually seeking out a doctor, learn techniques that can easily be performed at home
Find a pharmacist you're comfortable with
Also: Don't hesitate to consult specialists for...
...Ailments in other sensitive places
...And, of course, bad rodent breath
Summing up: Use your common sense. We hipsters have an expression for it.
With contributions from John Bellah, David Batterson, Jay Christensen (cq), Cindy Schissler, Todd Franklin and Kevin Roderick.
Steve Harvey's Only in LA column ran in the Los Angeles Times for a couple of decades and now appears here at LA Observed. Harvey can be reached at email@example.com. His Twitter handle is @sharvey9.