Upstairs, downstairs

We all know that the wealthy among us - and we're talking filthy rich here - operate in a different orbit, but it's not always apparent how far off that orbit can be. For that, we rely on the magazine Celeb Staff (subscription required) to provide a guide on what it costs to staff mansions of various sizes. As highlighted by the Wealth Report's Robert Frank, a 3,000- to 5,000-square-foot "small" mansion would run a little over $100,000 a year to staff, if the owner has children (two nannies, a weekend nanny and a housekeeper/cook). Estates in the 5,000 to 10,000 square feet range might cost about $650,000 to operate (nannies and childcare, a household manager, an executive housekeeper, regular housekeepers, a personal assistant, and perhaps a chauffeur). And what about a large estate that runs more than 30,000 square feet?

A top-of-the-line mansion — over 30,000 square feet — requires a whole army of staff and annual dues of $3 million or more. The magazine cites one such house with 30 housekeepers, 12 laundresses, 10 butlers, 20 full-time security personnel and “a lot more.” The security bill alone was $1.5million, the magazine says.

Back in June, Frank visited Butler Boot Camp in Denver and discovered that this servant stuff is a serious and lucrative way to make a living. (LABO) We're talking 70K to start and going all the way up to $200,000 or more. Plus free room and board in pretty handsome surroundings and generous benefits. Of course, you do have to put up with the beck and call thing - and that includes kids and pets.

For eight weeks, the students hole up inside the mansion to cook, clean, polish, dust, wash and fold. They learn how to iron a pair of French cuffs in seconds flat. They learn how to clip a 1926 Pardona cigar, how to dust a de Kooning canvas and whether to pair an oaky chardonnay with roasted free-range game hen. They learn how long it takes to clean a 45,000-square-foot mansion (20 to 30 hours depending on the art and antiques), where to find 1,020-thread-count sheets (Kreiss.com), and how to design a "stationery wardrobe" -- envelopes and letterhead specially designed to reflect the owner's wealth and social standing. They will be taught that sable stoles should never be stored in a cedar closet (it dries them out), and that Bentleys should never, ever be run through the car wash.