This just in from our NY bureau (via Craigslist and Dealbreaker). Is there a movie here?

the holidays suck. i never thought that i'd ever say that but this is the first time in my life as an adult that i don't have a girlfriend to share in the experience with and it sucks. bad. 3 weeks ago i came home from a night out for steaks and cigars with some of the guys from my office to find that she had cleaned out her drawer in my custom made oak dresser and left a note on my viking stove that simply said "i'm done." i've been texting her like 10 times a day but i haven't heard from her since.

what sucks even more about it is that i just got word from my boss at GS this morning about how much my bonus is going to be this year. wanna guess?

772k.

and you'd think i'd be happy, right? WRONG! i mean with so many people out there whose lives are so less meaningful because they only make 60 or 70k a year, how could i not be happy? well, think about that for a minute. what use is three quarters of a million dollars per year in income if you've got nobody to share it with, nobody to lavish with flowers and designer bags and shoes and dinners at places like per se, nobu and babbo? what good is the new condo on the west side when i've got nobody to sit out on the balcony to look out over the river and drink egg nog with during the holidays.

He goes on to say that he'll be going crazy next week - all alone in his "huge, shiny new condo." He's looking for someone "reasonably cute and willing to reciprocate my kindness and generosity by keeping me warm on these cold winter nights." There's also some mention of his anatomy, but we'll leave it at that.