Lisa Napoli came home from the doctor's office so annoyed she typed up these notes.

The Boobs As overheard by Lisa Napoli

Scene: The very crowded, very small waiting room of a doctor’s office in Beverly Hills

Characters: Two women, one a strawberry blonde actress in her mid-forties, another with long black hair past her rear, appearing to be late thirties

(Midway through the conversation, I enter the room and sit four seats down from the women, one of whom is making no attempt to use her inside voice.)

MidFortiesLady (MFL)

People are so willing to introduce you to guys. Yesterday at the vet I met a woman who wanted me to meet her son, and then he called, and we talked for 40 minutes on the phone last night.

Seriously Long Haired Lady (SLHL)

I have someone for you. The mayor of Culver City.

MFL

He’s single?

SLHL

Yes

MFL

What does he look like?

SLHL

Not bad. He’s six two. Very fit

MFL

He’s divorced, I assume?

SLHL

Yes, yes.

MFL

Kids?

SLHL

(muffled answer)

MFL

Is he….white?

SLHL

Yes.

MFL

Does he do well for himself? I’m not a superficial person or anything, but.

SLHL

Muffled response

MFL whips out her phone, ignoring prominently placed signs that say “Please turn off your cellular phones in waiting room”

I think you need to meet Schwartzie. He’s really great.

SLHL

(muffled words)

MFL

Well, I think he might have wanted to go out with me, but he’s a director/producer. I can’t go out with a director, but you can.

(MFL dials phone)

Schwartzie, it’s me. Hey, are you still with that woman you were dating?

Oh, oh, I see.

Well, I’m sitting in this doctor’s office waiting for a mammogram—how fun is that--and I just met this really great woman and of course I thought of you.

Oh, oh, she’s moving in July. Oh, well.

Well, I’ll call back when I can talk more. Yes, I’ll have fun taking my shirt off. Yeah, I’ve been really busy. Did a bit (on some TV show.)

(Pause)

Wait wait wait. (She goes outside the front door to continue the conversation. Comes back in a few minutes later.)

SLHL

Oh well, my timing’s off.

MFL

What timing?

SLHL

With your friend.

MFL

Oh, yeah, he’s such a sweetheart.

You should go on J-date. Seriously, there are so many great Jewish men out there looking for partners.

SLHL

Have you ever done anything like that?

MFL

Well, I’m not a 100% jewish, so I can’t do anything like that.

A NURSE COMES AND CALLS OUT MFL’S NAME, RESCUING ALL OF THE WAITING PATIENTS.