The L.A. Times dusts off the first-person thing for today's Column One, promoting Tuesday's season finale of "Dancing With the Stars" by letting entertainment reporter Dawn C. Chmielewski go through a mock version of what the real contestants do. The hook is that Chmielewski "had no ballroom training. I'm also bereft of coordination, and worse, I'm a control freak who can't allow a partner to lead." After five training sessions with a professional dancer, she was spray-tanned, made-up and costumed by the show and allowed to do her routine on stage for the studio audience, as her husband and daughter looked on and a video was made for the Times' website. The judges of course played along with the gag: "I didn't know such a prestigious newspaper would have such slutty, slutty girls," said Bruno Tonioli.