Gil Schwartz, aka Stanley Bing, offers more wit and wisdom on the hazards of being the boss and having to depend on workers whose interests may not exactly pair with yours. For Fortune, "Bing" writes about the kinds of employees that drives bosses crazy (see LABO post). For Men's Health, Schwartz warns about the six people you should never hire - unless you want to ruin your life. Here's a sampler of three. (In case you don't know, Schwartz/Bing has been a PR guy at CBS for many years.)
--The Loafer: In the beginning, he arrives early to establish his credentials as a hard worker, which he is not. By month 2, he regularly shows up 15 minutes late. At 10 a.m., he may be found standing in the hallway kibitzing with the prettiest girl on the floor, coffee in hand. Loafers are all about the coffee: It creates the illusion they're hopped up and ready to go. When the day heats up at 2:30, he's still at lunch. "Hey," he'll tell you upon his return, "I didn't even get out of here until 1:45!" Loafers always have an excuse.
--The Weasel: He's sly, untrustworthy, and ready to stab you in the back or bite you in the ass, whichever is easier. He doesn't show the true color of his underbelly until he's established a small, comfortable power base for himself, a network of similarly untrustworthy types who despise the people they work for. One day, when the stakes are high, this greasy stoat will rear up on his hind legs and hurt you, unless you strike him down first. So get ready. You're going to need all your craft to unseat this loser.
--The Replicant: He's cold. He's capable. He has no heart. He has no family. He has no dog, no cat, no pet fish. He has no empathy. All he has is his MBA. He works on weekends and wants to know why you don't. He follows orders perfectly, but all his ideas are mean-spirited and cost somebody, someplace, his or her livelihood. Once hired, he will immediately find his fellow replicants within the company and begin to bond with them. They will share a salad and bottled water for lunch in the executive dining room and talk about the breakup value of the company. They have no loyalty to anybody beyond that which is required by the corporate handbook. He does not hate and he does not love. He will drain you of your joy of doing business, and destroy any affection your team members have toward one another. Be very afraid.