"Excuse me, Dog," I said. "I am looking for the place where the east side is here and the west side is there. I've been on a neighborhood forum, and everyone is all confused about what is the east side of L.A. and what is the west, and some people are even angry about it. So I decided to go out and find the place myself, but now I am lost. You look like a good person to ask."

"Oh, um, well," said the Dog. "Can't you see that I am sitting on a table?"

"I have always found that the kinds of dogs who sit on tables are the kinds that give the very best directions."

Dog was flattered.

"Can't you please try?"